As both the John Henry and the Pythagoras of snowshoveling, I am professionally and personally compelled to keep up with the fight against global warming. However, my commitment to the cause pales in comparison to that of the several hundred protesters pictured below. As a coach I once had said of commitment, "It's like the relationships of pigs and chickens to bacon and eggs. The chickens are interested, the pigs are committed."
And as we're discussing the urgency of preserving the existence of cold on Earth, I thought I'd share some thoughts on the culinary advantages of long, punishing winters. You see, when it doesn't get above 0 degrees for ten days in a row, and you only see feeble glimpses of sunshine for weeks at a time, it's often helpful to contemplate the upside of your situation. So, in the spirit of stubbornly seeking out the silver lining I present...
Some Culinary Advantages of the Cold Weather Climate!
1. Fast Working, Free, Non-Polluting Beverage Chillers!
2. Has your asparagus gone limp? (And I mean that only in the most literal sense.) Try a 20 minute soak in a snow bank; it'll perk right up!
3. Did your son pee on the floor causing your sauce base to scorch as you dealt with the situation? Run outside and sink your pan into a snowbank! It'll probably stop the burning in the time for you to continue cooking as usual, and even if some burnage occurs, you'll be able to scrape the unscorched sauce off the top of the pan and the flavors won't be corrupted. Thank you ghastly, soul-crushing winter from hell!
4. Want to "shock" steamed veggies, sealing in the flavor and color? Hello! Just grab a handful of snow and chill out.
One Culinary Disadvantage of the Cold Weather Climate
If your wife's taken the car and you have to bike two miles to get one, solitary goddamn egg, you have to outfit yourself like Arctic Snakeyes from G.I. Joe.