(To read the definitive history of these jokes: Click here. If you don't care, read on!)
Yes! Final! Is Partial Compendium Latvian Humor Joke! You Await!
Compile is Chris Connolly, Ky Henderson, Ministers of Latvian Humorological Joke Society of Latvia
Three men are in ship. One Latvian, one Russian, one Lithuanian. Lithuanian take out one bottle wodka. Russian kill Lithuanian, then drink wodka. Then Latvian wait until Russian drink self to sleep, then kill. Is end.
Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.
A fishmonger says to a bootblack, "Are there any more potato left?" Bootblack says, "Yes, one. But it has gone bad." The fishmonger says, "I am very hungry. I have not eaten for three days. I shall eat it, even if it makes me very ill." And bootblack says, "I did not speak truth. In reality, there is no food left. You shall go hungry yet another day, my friend."
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.
Janis: I hope my son does not die during night.
Guntis: What is "hope"?
Janis: Yes. I know what you say.
Guntis: No. I am serious. What is hope?
Janis: In truth, I do not know.
Questioning: Why did chicken cross road?
Answering: I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.
Please open door. Is cold.
Latvian walk into bar with poodle under one arm and salami under other. Eat salami first.
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?
How is get one-arm Latvian out of tree?
Is no one-arm Latvian! Why you silly? All go Center for Great Peaceful Physical Reassignment. You no ask.
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.
Latvian walk into bar with pig on shoulder. Bartender say, “That look delicious!” But pig say, “No. Is Latvian. Taste is similar to dog.”
Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “
Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference?
Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat poop for pleasure not just survive. So many thing!
Latvian is rub lamp find genii. Genii say, “What is three wishes?” Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato! Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian. Genii ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Little boy Janis Dipers is get trouble, school. After teacher is beat, make also stay detention all alone. While detention, teacher is get horny! Teacher and Janis is make sex. “Janis Dipers!” teacher shout! “But teacher,” Janis say, “I too hungry for energy do that.”
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
Boy: But mother, I no are like grandma.
Mother: Eat anyway. Is no potato.
Latvian walk into bar and say, “I have not eaten for many days. One full beer will be too much for me. How much just maybe one shot beer?” Bartender say, “This is can do for you. Is two centimes.” Latvian say, “Oh. I was hoping it would be less. I do not have that much.”
Is Latvian couple have been marry 60 years! But for long times, is no making sex. For 60th wedding anniversary, wife is buy for husband hooker for the have sex! Hooker is arrive at door one fine day and is say to husband, “Hello! I here give you super sex!” Man is say, “Oh! I will have the soup.” Then hooker is say, “What? You have soup? Why you no told this?”
What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
Three Latvian girl are walk down street. One have knife, one have gun, one have window. They are meet soldier. Soldier is ask first girl, “Why you are have knife?” “If you try rape me, I stab!” she say. Okay! Second girl, “Why you are have gun?” “If you try rape me, I shoot!” she say. Okay! Third girl, “Why you are have window?!?” “If you try rape me, I jump out!”
Latvian is capture by cannibals. Cannibals say, “We are kill you and eat you and use skin for canoe. But you may choose means of your death.” Latvian say, “Okay! You are give me fork, please!” But oops! Is forgot how use!
If you are have own sample Latvia Humor Joke, please is send curator Chris Connolly at [email protected]. You are thank.
209 comments:1 – 200 of 209 Newer› Newest»
This is too funny....
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead son's body. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or corpse, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
HA! IS too easy! Plant potato with body for fertilize. Eat dog.
I WIN YOU!
Q: what is happening if you cross Latvian and potato?
A: this is cruel joke. please, no more.
Why is Latvian throw clock out window? Will be no appointments anymore, only endure til death.
Man walk in bar with twelve-inch pianist. Is deformed by malnutrition.
What is have four wheels and flies? Is body-disposal truck! Many have suicide this week.
Two Latvians are argue over wodka. One say, "For wodka, I give you daughter." Friend is say OK. Deal is struck. But he is surprise! She deformed by malnutrition.
Man is have something on his mind. Is hat! And is crust of bread under hat, for to hide from family.
Man is wait bread line. Wait until starve. Is very funny, yes!
Ha! You are win us. Your Joke is to funny like rubber crutch! Rubber crutch was give my babushka by Soviet Overlord. She fall and to break hip and then roll into Daugava River! But HA! She not dying! Joke on you Soviet Overlord! Instead she live many year and become great drain on family resource.
Is Latvian walks into bar. Latvian shout is "Ouch!". Stomach is hurting with so little food.
What black and white, is also being red over all. Is Latvian homeland. Is Latvia.
I might have the best joke of all..
I was actually born in Latvia.
Latvian Nursery rhyme..:
one potato, one potao, one potato, no more potato..
soldier eat potato and rape daughter..is end.
No English lessons in Latvia?
very funny indeed! XD
Q: Why potato is skin red?
A: Latvian hungry. Soldier find Latvian steal potato. Shoot Latvian is blood, dead. All over potato.
i dont get how stupid should be someone to write bullshit like this
A Croatian, an Estonian, and a Latvian are in a bar. The croatian says: "I hungry!" The Estonian say: "I have starving!" The Latvian...has been dead for three weeks.
I tell doctor i break leg in 2 places after drink wodka, he say quit going those places.
If wodka and women aren't answer then you not asking Latvian right questions.
Before you judge a Ukranian, walk a kilometer in his shoes. After that who care? He a kilometer away and you have his shoes. The end.
Latvian psychiatrist tell me to drown my troubles. I go home and ask my wife go swimming. Trouble over. More potato for me.
Pirate walk into bar, have steering wheel in the pants.
Bartender ask pirate, why have you steering wheel in the pants?
Pirate say nothing -- not really pirate, just man, delirious from malnutrition.
imperialistic, ignorant and not funny at all.
My head hurts from the horrific grammar. Lithuanian overall English proficiency is already a joke on its own.
Stupid American rednecks. these jokes are so lame. All of you fat bastards don't know a shit about latvia. In fact we know english better than you all assholes.
Ha, how pathetic can people be. I bet most of the you leaving comments don't have a faintest idea of where Latvia actually is. Probably even the author of this blog doesn't know that, has never met a Latvian and has no idea of who Latvians actually are. All right, maybe you've seen a Latvian politician speak bad English but name an American politician who knows Latvian, or even name an American politician who knows proper German, Russian or French. I doubt you'd find many, you bloody ignorant kings-of-the-world-wanna-bees.
Im latvian u fuckstick and let me tell u smthn!!! U know why americans r so stupid ?cause when man and a woman was making a baby - woman didnt want to,man didnt try to-the leftover is what we now call americans. Btw your grammar sucks as shit. So mby go to colledge or smthn retard
Who ever wrote this must be mentally incurable. I feel sad for you. I hope you will get well.. someday.. because it will take a long time for you to recover (if it is even possible). And for people who really like these so called jokes - I don't know, you all should raise your IQ higher than in level of spoon, even then you should understand that this is not funny at all.
P.S. - I hope someday I will meet you Chriss Connolly..and then we will have a frendly chat..
If they can't take a joke, then fuck em. Some people are just stupid and cant take humor. Those people need help because they live near lithuania and estonia and next to Russia and its cold and dark all the time.
I am sure those are the people that cant stand those jokes. Some of you people are really lame.
Go get help and a sense of humor.
In Latvia man is farmer. He try to be best farmer to family and make food.
Soldier like farmer and potatoes.
In end family asks be sent do work in Siberia. Soldier has many potatoes. Farmer daughter no go Siberia. Stay at farm eat potato and make many soldier happy.
Latvian man go to doctor. 'Doctor doctor I have tumor growth in brain'. But Doctor dead due to poor health care infrastructure and no money for potato. Also man's tumor inoperable.
Man see tree with beautiful leaf greens. Man say 'hooray, great symbol hope times ahead' But is not tree, is dead body. Man hallucinating due to malnutrition.
Farmer hear of farmer with many potato. Farmer gets knife to kills farmer to steal potato. Farmer stabs farmer but knife is blunt. Suffering continues.
We win u.s. has all patatoes we wand and also many many daughter for rape.
Upset Latvians: I think you're slightly misunderstanding the thrust of the humor here. The object isn't so much Latvia as it's the generalized bizarre view of Eastern European Soviet Bloc nations that Americans have -- we're poking fun at ourselves with this, too.
We're also having a laugh at nihilism itself, which is always funny. Remember Dave Barry's definition of a sense of humor:
"A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge."
That,too, is part of what's going on here. They're sophisticated, great jokes. Keep an open mind, friends from a dark, sad country.
I find the jokes just great, not least because you could just replace Latvian with Finn in most of them and they'd still work perfectly.
Keep 'em comin'!
There are no funny jokes.. Tray to make jokes with out potatoes, votka and cold.. :)
Well, the jokes suck ass, they really aren't funny, no humor in them, at all... plus, the grammar sucks ass, I can't imagine what kind of a retard writes this shit about Latvians... Latvians made the first photo camera,they built the first tank, they hold the guiness world record for the strongest man in the world so...
If you want to make fun of someone, then I would suggest you to make fun about Americans - they are probably the dumbest people in the world and please don't tell me that you have the best scientists and bla,bla,bla cause you don't... the scientists that are considered the best in the world and live,work in the USA are not Americans you little pieces of shit ! Mostly they are from Europe, especially Russia so please, if you're an American, go shoot yourself or ask Obama why is your country so full of prick heads.
For people who post jokes here:
you don't know nothing about latvians and their country.
We are not that poor as you all are writing. Also we are not rapers.
Come to my country and you will see. So, please, if you don't have nothing true to say, then don't.
Maby if the author could type this in proper English then this could be funny, but as in Latvia the English lessons in school is pretty good for 12 years in a row, then for my mind these jokes are very hard for me to read. Maby the author are a nigger and is typing in some kind of slang and this blog is for his neighborhood authorities.
Here would be the favorite of mine negro jokes.
Negros are like Christmas tree lamps - locked in chains and works only third of them.
beter click on this link and then you will se where live stupid people
fucking americans. fat ass and ugly face, that`s all what can I say for most of you all.
Here and there, searching for Lithuanian humor,(of which there is very little that isn't mean spirited)I have found some Latvian jokes that were pretty funny, leading me to believe the Latvians have a better grip on life & laughter. Having read some of these comments, I guess I was wrong? How sad #:(
Maybe for you they are funny, but not for us :(
These are not latvian jokes, but jokes about latvians
Jokes are good if you laugh about true things, but here is only lie :(
It more look's like insult to all latvians, not humor.
We laugh about how we are living but true certainly is different, not like some american write :(
It's sad to realize how stupid people can be.
I belive he doesn't even know where Latvia is.
I'm a Latvian. And if you think Latvians are stupid, then blame your self how stupid you think we are. I don't like racists. How would you feel if the word LATVIAN in these jokes would change with America e.t.c. What do you have against Latvia? Maybe you too jealous. Latvia is a beautiful land. Fuck you.
clearly some people here do not understand the point of a joke. namely the lativians. make america jokes. i shall laugh. is not big deal.
i know where latvia is. my sister goes to it and surrounding countries for orienteering. i dont actually think that this is how life in latvia is. its a joke. quit bitching.
that black joke was pretty good.
excellent jokes. I am Latvian myself, but don't find it offensive, rather true. hillarious.
5 Latvian priests are on a trip to Mother Country. They stopped into a chemist on the way because Father Sergio was complaining about a headache that was keeping him up at night. It was cancer. Panadols cannot cure cancer. Father Sergio is still not sleeping well.
These jokes are funny as hell :D.
Some of the Latvians here are rather slow on the uptake. None of these jokes have anything to do with modern Latvia. They obviously deal with the period of Soviet occupation and oppression.
The point of these jokes is to be extremely dark humor that draws on the bleak history of Eastern Europe. When told outside Latvia, they also serve as a way to subtly force into people's heads that communism and Soviet oppression are evil. As such, the type of jokes might have gotten old, and probably won't be understood by those who weren't alive at the time.
Latvian gets a joke.
Pretty fun. But not as funny as the jokes about americans. Or wait, even better are videos where they ask simple questions from basic people on the streets. Well, that is not actually a joke, that's the truth about US. But that is funny. Creetings from Europe, you know the place where history is from?
Potato walk into bar. All in bar have surprise at potato. One man jump potato and eat. Realize is actually dog. All realize was illusion from hunger. Is sad time for all.
Questioning:What Latvian Dream?
Answering: Only group of rebels know. But was execute. Now no Latvian Dream.
Latvian chase by politburo military off cliff. He hang by branch and see potato grow on branch. He reach for potato, but fall of cliff. Such is life.
One day, Latvian scientist claim to make growing of potato faster and easier. Next day is hanged for insanity.
Two Latvian look at clouds. One see potato. Other see impossible dream.
Is same cloud.
Soviet Russia potato have Latvian!
Stereotype easy laugh is, good for internet.
Now excuse me while I get drunk and beat my wife.
hahaha brilliant, I wish there were more of these, and less angry Latvians. If you can't laugh at yourself, then you certainly don't have the right to laugh at others, and that is the joke.
Awful lot of upset folks here, talking about how unfunny these jokes are.
You are tragically mistaken my friends, these are hilarious.
Ahh, the bitterness! Who gets upset over this sort of thing? Laughing at the misfortune of others, regardless of the distance from home is an American passtime that spans generations. That people from other countries haven't yet realized how funny that is only adds to the humor.
Two Latvians in woods chased by bear. First Latvian cannot run is too hungry. Second Latvian is eaten by bear. First Latvian is relieved, but is eaten by bear as well. The bear represents the Cossacks.
A bunch of butthurt Latvians cry at poking fun, so sorry, save energy to fight off soldiers raping daughters! There is nothing for you here, potatoes don't grow on the internets!
So, no one who's disparaging these has read any other article on this site? Especially the ones where the author details his time in the Peace Corps, where he worked in Latvia?
--- Anonymous said...
If they can't take a joke, then fuck em. Some people are just stupid and cant take humor. Those people need help because they live near lithuania and estonia and next to Russia and its cold and dark all the time.
...is cold and dark all the time
Urbanek's joke is funny.
Rest is strange bullshit. Selfmade jokes over stereotyps/ Then here we go:
An Irishman , a Mexican and a American Guy were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I
get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The American opened his lunch and said, "Bolognaise again! If I get a
bolognaise sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage
and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The American guy opened his lunch, saw the bolognaise and jumped to his death
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how
really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it
to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the American's wife. The American's wife said,
"Don't look at me.
The idiot makes his own lunch."
To all you sensitive bastards who can't take a joke,
My best friend is Latvian. In fact, he was born in Latvia and just recently moved here. He thinks the jokes are hysterical. There are jokes about every race idiots. Everyone makes fun of someone else. There are also jokes about Blacks and Indians and Lithuanians and Whites and Austrians and Americans and Canadians and Asians and Every other race on this planet. Everyone makes jokes about other people and if you don't like it then get off this website. I mean you typed in, "Latvian Jokes." What were you expecting? "Knock Knock - Who's there? - Latvians - Latvians who? - Its us silly-heads! Let us in for the party!" No. I bet if you look up Black Jokes they would be racist too. Also, stop ruining our fun. Maybe you don't think it's funny, but a lot of other people, including Latvians, think its great. If you don't want to see it, then get off the website. It's as simple as that.
P.S for all of you that made fun of the bad grammar, that's the point retards. It's making fun of the language too.
Is cold and dark. Was drink wodka but bottle empty. No potato.
I'm Latvian and I laughed to tears reading these, I don't see why others are getting so butthurt.
Latvian is sit home. Is night,dark and cold. Is no potato, so is no vodka. Is sad
Do Latvians have no sense of humor?
It's not being truthful.. its a joke.. or jokes...
Im asian.. but I find asian jokes funny, and I have American friends who find american jokes funny as well..
What difference between 2 penis and Latvian? Latvian no can take joke.
funniest part is pissed off latvians posting with grammar that is actually similar to the jokes.
Is sick man, Chris Connolyy!! This type joke is not funny. In Latvia is very value human life, will never eat son or eat dog. Also lack of potato is very sensitive situation. Please do not make fun.
Assholle American should learn how to speak English before is make fun of Latvia!!!!!
why are latvian cross road
what question is this, are no road in latvia!
the thing is, that these jokes really are funny. I was born and raised in latvia, however I lived in NY for 3 years. Now I am back to Latvia. And hey, it's just a joke. I don't really get offended by all of this because jokes are about everything!
However, I must agree, some of americans don't even know where Latvia is or the fact that it is just as regular as any other country.
But yes, this is funny as hell.
i am lithuanian, and these are funny as hell. ha ha those funny latvian neighbors of ours up north. no wonder lithuania has the highest suicide rate in the world, we don't have the latvian sense of humor. but we do have potatoes.
One of my good friends is Latvian, and he gives his nodding approval (which is the same as hysterical laughter in anyone else) to Latvian jokes. His opinion is 'If Latvia wasn't as bad as those jokes made it out to be, then we wouldn't have moved to Iowa.'
Because Iowa is so much better. No potato, no wodka. Is only corn, and corn is make into fuel for tanks soldiers drive to rape daughter. Is very sad.
But really, the jokes are about how much life sucked under Soviet rule, how much everyone suffered because of poor organization (due to the fact that you can't run a country bigger than the Vatican on the communist system).
I'm Latvian born and raised and by god are these jokes funny. Too bad not all my kinsmen understand jokes. Sorry for that :D
True, it is a strong (and hilarious) commentary on how difficult the life was under Soviet rule and in exile.
This! Is! Awesome! my favourite kind of jokes and about my nation, too.
shame about the guys with no sense of humor.
but I wonder what is the source of these? original creation or are they taken from somewhere?
This is the worst kind of racism.
It has been reported.
Some of the jokes were good.
but millionreasonswhylatviaisthebestcountryintheworld.com is way more better.
Latvian here. I want to apologize for all my fellow retarded countrymen that commented here earlier. Latvians have yet to learn to take a joke, they are overall too busy having a shitload of mourning days per year and fanatically caring for relatives' graves. It will take for atleast another 100 years for latvians stop being so goddamned sad and butthurt about historical events and take a more positive outlook on life. Though I have to admit, it was a little bit hard to laugh about the joke about getting sent to Siberia, my grandfather lived through that, it's actually very recent history.
Latvian has eat soup but in fact was just water, also not warm, also holes in bowl.
Q: What is the difference between a potato and the USA
A: If you leave a potato for 200 years it has grown a culture.
Also can Latvian now have potato?
Boris is go to latvian man home. Rape his daughter. Kill his dog. Shit on carpet. Latvian say why are you rape my daughter. Boris gives man potato. Good day for latvian man.
Why don't you write your jokes in your native tongues? Maybe they would make sense/be funny.
Latvian, potato, rape. Latvian, potato, rape. Latvian, potato, rape. Latvian, potato, rape.
I get it. You retards jerk off into mashed potatoes and serve them to your mothers.
I read these jokes and what my countrymen say about them, both make me sad. These are funny, some of them, others are offensive. If you don't like those, don't read.
Scientist: Is glass being half empty or half full?
Latvian Test Subject: Glass is being of wodka?
Scientist: Da. What is being issue?
Drunk Latvian Test Subject: Is being empty.
I think the angry responses from Latvians are even more hilarious because they are actually written with the same grammatical knowledge as the jokes they are complaining about.
Okay, I get it. Being a Finn, I found these funny, as I found "10 Reason Why God Hates Finland", cause most jokes would work with inserting Finn in the place of Latvian. But I also understand why these jokes upset some Latvians - it was only 20 years ago when the Soviet Union fell and people can actually remember those times. I can't totally relate 'cos Finland wasn't under Soviet rule, but they were pretty much as bad as the Nazis.
But still, this is like Borat. It's not making fun of Kazakhstanians, but of Americans.
Finn no. 2
American tell joke about Latvian starvation.
Latvian no get joke....or potato
Great famine become worse, many suffer.
I think that i'm high right now and these jokes are funny.
If you would know how to write in english then maybe these jokes would be good. Other then that they suck big donckey dick.
All of these are really depressing. Sorry if I don't find the rape and starvation of my people funny.
One thing that is forgotten about here is that humor doesn't always translate well. What is amusing to an American speaker (most of it being the poor grammar) isn't as obvious to a speaker of Latvian (a rather pretty but obscure language in a near dead language family). Sarcasm is particularly bad in translation in any language and a Latvian might not get how English speakers take the piss out of ourselves and others in our jokes.
As a couple have also mentioned- some of the jokes are a little too soon for many. Between only having independence for 20 years combined with the negative effects from relocation policies,a few of these come off as mean spirited or cruel.
Besides, half the jokes mentioned are actually more similar to the Russian humor that can go very, very black.
Of course, some of the writing by Latvian nationals is amusing. Not an insult at all as its not like English should be expected to be a native language. It's better than any attempt I could make in Latvian. Baltic languages are beautiful, but impossible and results in some very odd accents to a native English ear.
Americans make fun of everything and we're seldom trying to be mean about it but we lack tact. But we are usually a friendly lot and you should be able to give it back to us as well. Even we like dumb American jokes.
At least we don't go to Riga for stag parties and make a mess of the city like some unscrupulous Brits do.
US Southerner gets his son killed and his daughter raped by African-Americans. They steal his car and burn down his trailer. As he chases the culprits with a shotgun, a US Northerner stops him and brutally beats him up. "You white trash," the Yankee says, "Your state has no rights, you bigot. You inbred racist wingnut." US Southerner feels guilty and weeps.
A white South African gets attacked by blacks at his remote farm. They beat him up and force him to apologise for apartheid as he crawls in a pool of blood. But he was a Jewish civil rights activist against apartheid! The blacks do not care and beat him up some more, then leave with the money. He will never walk again, but he forgives them.
A Russian pensioner gets a flat after 20 years of waiting for it in a queue. One day he returns home and finds his door locked - Armenian refugees broke into the flat and changed the lock. On his way to the court his passport gets stolen by gypsies. As he goes to the militia, he is shot in a Chechen/Azeri street shootout. Then Uzbek guest workers loot him as he lay dying. Bloody Americans and Jews, it is all their fault!
I am Latvian, and I will admit - best 45 minutes of my life!
The jokes are funny because they are written badly and create a funny "potato loving" nation :D
Latvians, as always, find it too heartbreaking to read about the nation be it good or bad. That is lame.
Thank you guys for sharing these jokes ;)
Is Latvian go to school to study? No, Latvian is go to school to drink wodka and eat potato, and rape teacher.
Here you go, coming from Latvian ;)
This has nothing to do with Latvians! It could have been any random country!
Maybe the angry Latvians traded sense of humor for another potato.
My god, thank you for this. I'm quite sure I remember one of these jokes being invented by one of my schoolfriends in Latvia back in Communist times. These kinds of jokes were one of the few things that kept me going through all that time.
And heh, it's funny how many "Latvians" are getting angry over this. I could e-mail this to all my friends right now, and not one Latvian would be able to stop laughing. The "Latvians" on here were either born in the late '90s or are simply Russians pretending to be Latvian.
Three Latvian on boat, but only enough room in life raft for one.
All choose die with ship and end suffering.
There was once Latvian game show, "Who Want Eat Potato?" but it cancel after three episodes; the show are ran out of potato.
How many Latvian is take screw in lightbulb?
Lightbulb never need changing from no electricity.
Why my wife no is in kitchen?
Because kitchen have window and she hide from soldier.
Funny? Or not?
Things that are far away and largely unknown can be a safe source of humor.
We used to joke about Native Americans until we understood them.
Same with Asians (for many of us Americans; not all!) and other ethnicities.
But the internet makes the world smaller... and easily shows ignorance to others, which is why compassion is needed along with that sense of humor.
Remember when dead baby jokes were all the rage? Helen Keller jokes?
It's a good thing those cats have a good sense of humor ("I can haz cheezburger?!") because there's so many of them they'd easily kick our ignorant American butts!
Why Helen Keller burn hand? Try to read waffle iron.
you idiots, no one here (the author included) actually thinks this is true. it's called humor because its playing off of funny stereotypes. it's not trying to offend anyone and if you can't laugh at the jokes just get out.
Man ask potato: "why you so tasty?"
Potato say nothing. Is really rock.
The amount of butthurt on this page is amazing. TIL: Latvians can't take a joke.
Potato not grow
Soldiers coming for daughter
So cold, please wodka
These jokes are horrible, sad, degrading, and racist. It's been a long time since I've laughed this hard.
racist or not, these jokes really suck.
Since when is Latvian race? These people have much stupid. Also small penis from bad potato.
calm down :) I'm from a neighbouring country of Latvia (I won't say which one) and have lived also in LV (plus I speak the language). And these jokes are funny - not because of Latvians, it's just a genre. And even if they don't fit your sense of humor, at least they're not meant as an insult :P
for Latvians who don't believe me - es īsti runāju latviski un dziļi cienu Latviju, bet tas nenozīmē, ka tie joki man nebūtu smieklīgi. Un vēl - neņemiet ļaunā, bet esmu ieraudzījis, ka latvieši ir baigie pesimisti (pajautājiet saviem radiniekiem vai garāmgājējiem, ko viņi domā par savu valsti, par sabiedrību, par dzīvi...). Reiz sarunājos pat ar vienu latvieti, kura sauca savu zemi par miskasti un kad es pateicu, ka manuprāt tā nemaz nav, viņa apvainojās. Ja paši latvieši var par savu zemi pateikt jebko - kāpēc tad ārzemnieki nevar? Vai jūs paīstam ticat, ka viņi to nopietni domā?
Sorry for that :) I'll go on in English again. I don't mind people joking about different countries and using stereotypes - as long as they don't take them too seriously. I can also joke about ignorant Americans, though I've met several Americans fluent in many languages and better in Geography than most of us. And you can joke about my country, too (I know that Latvians have many jokes about us, most are friendly, but not all of them. Should I be insulted?).
And as I don't want to end up only whining, I'm adding a joke:
A Latvian, a Russian and a German walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and asks: "Is it some f**king joke?"
Latvian has potato.
Take potato, make wodka. Have no left potato
russia soldier take wodka, go and rape poland
poland get mad at latvian
As a Latvian, I want to say this is shitty and rude, but I guess it can't be because the jokes don't reflect or subvert anything that really describes Latvia more than other countries.
Americans drink more and definitely eat more. I would know, I live here. Good try.
Latvian see joke. Latvian angry is! Latvian say:
"I get weapon for to kill you after end winter!"
But Latvian die of the freezing.
These are shit...barely make sense.
I'm literally crying with laughter here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Retarded Girl: I can count to potato
This was obviously not made by latvians.....for sure some russian bastard who doesnt understand how it is to actually be starving and have your life ruined by an occupying army
Cmmon people!! Who ever wrote these needs to learn some English!!! AWEFUL
People are always post angry comments about Latvia? Why you hate for malnutrition so much?
BTW the the silver lining we are all talking about Latvia now lol.
The people who made this joke page are a bunch of nazi homosexuals that tape glitter to there arses and have anal sex. How about that for a funny joke. Pretty much all the jokes here aren't funny and you people really can write in English, sure the Latvians can get ripped for being cold but at least they can write fluently and get to places you pricks can only dream of getting. Well you zionist bastards swivel on that and next time you want to profiteer from other peoples expense come to Oxford in UK and I'll personally dedicate you a pistol whipping
If I was to shit on a stick it would be more fun to watch than this stupendous blog of utter disprespect of Latvia. You are hugely jealous of the Latvians and too right, there wonderful people
Why Latvian activists so upset? I Latvia. Many funny jokes, also very sad.
ok, i'm a latvian and i have problems with these jokes. i dont understand the connection here: rapist soldiers, potatoes, being hungry, etc. i thought the irish loved potatoes... didnt know there was so much rape in latvia, and ...what about the inability to put a sentence together. i dont mind the jokes about Latvia that are funny. This here is BAD!!! my hubby who is not latvian found these, and he was like, what the heck, did a slow person wrote these???
forgot to ask... @ chris connolly... dude are you for real??? would like some feedback from you on this "superb" compilation.
you have a really weird sense of humor
I find these funny, but I can see why others find them offensive. It really all depends on your personal sense of humor. I don't find black jokes all that funny, but that's just me. Other people do, and so I don't begrudge them their laughs.
As for people who complain about the grammar, it's supposed to be that way; it's part of the joke. Being an English major in America, I find more humor in the terrible grammar.
Trust me when I say that most of the American people here (I cannot speak for all) who laugh at these jokes are not racist pricks or anything. We Americans make fun of ourselves all the time, so we enjoy a good laugh at anyone's expense.
So lighten up. We mean no serious disrespect.
You know these are very funny... btw I am American, I've been though Riga quiet a few times going to Lithuania, Estonia or Germany, and you are right... I still have no idea where that potato-less country is...
They are replacing Russian with Latvian, don't be so upset. It's all in good fun.
Joke: One Latvian walks into bar. Latvian asks "Is there potato?" Bartender say "No". Latvian leaves.
A Latvian bar owner hired an American Tourist - as a bartender - so no longer one could laugh at his bar.
An Ardvaark walks in, sits down and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my father?"
"No", says the bartender. "What does he look like?"
A Latvian bar owner hired an American Tourist - as a bartender - so no longer one could laugh at his bar.
An Ardvaark walks in, sits down and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my father?"
"No", says the bartender. "What does he look like?"
Q: how many latvian fit in telephone booth?
A: what is telephone booth? is food? so hungry, please food?
To Angry Latvians
Stop whining about the grammar. Please help yourself and grab a sense of humor.
Also, if you don't like these jokes, please leave the webpage. We're fine without you.
I used to think this was totally hilarious until I actually read the comments and read that apparently it used to be actually more true than I realized. I'm still sure that those people were exaggerating but still...
I thought it was funny because it was so dark and ridiculous, not because I truly believed that was what Latvia is like, especially in modern times.
I read many of the jokes, but I'm not aware of the situation and customs in Latvia. I enjoyed many of them and blamed my own lack of education for the others. Education is wonderful!!!
Jesus Christ, some of you people need to pull that stick out of your ass and develop a sense of humor.
TIL Latvians are dicks that can't take a joke.
I'm a Latvian living in Latvia and I find this stuff funny as hell where no potato is.
To those criticizing the grammar of these jokes, are you a bunch of morons? Does not one of you recognize that the poor English is intentional? Chris does an excellent job of mimicking the broken English of Slavs with thick accents. If you've ever met one, you'd know that his impressions are spot on. I don't mean to be offensive, but the fact is that many of the Latvian complainants who have criticized Americans for their stupidity and lack of education don't know English well enough to see that their own writing is a perfect example of the Slavic English that Chris has successfully replicated.
My favorite comments are the ones with butthurt Latvians. In Latvia is not much time for joke.
Latvian is have yard sale, make money for buy potato.
First Customer: "How much for daughter?"
Latvian: "Haha. Very funny joke. Trade her for potato."
First Customer: "Haha. You funny man"
...a little later, second customer come yard sale:
Second Customer: "Hey. How much for sell daughter?"
Latvian: "Haha. Very funny. Have not heard that one before."
Actually, is no yard sale. Just man with body of dead daughter by roadside.
In all fairness, who could have known that Latvians could get the internet on their potatoes?
As a Latvian, I'm rolling on floor laughing my ass off at those. Thank you. Also, send potatoe, is hungry.
Its an exacerbated comment aka joke on ANY former Easter bloc nation. Any poor satellite etc.
Chris Connolly go work come home find wife and kids raped with wodka bottles.
They die. Is ok. More wodka left in bottle and women to rape if go back Latvia.
Am I doing this right?
After drink wodka want rape. Rape bodies. Is sad. Rape not good like Latvian rape corps and rape make hungry. Eat bodies. Now happy. Much better than potato.
These are pretty funny. I agree with the guy who said that we're making fun of ourselves for our obscure view of eastern Europe. What I think is even funnier are the Latvians who are commenting saying that they know English well, are responding in misspelled improper broken English. It reads just like the jokes themselves haha
Fair enough. I'd just like to point out that these jokes are far more descriptive in the acts of violence. Also, part of the beauty of the Latvian jokes is their brevity, which is lost in your more verbose writing style.
I thought that your jokes had their moments of funniness, however, so props.
The ones who say that these are racist / unfunny / not descriptive of the latvian people and grammar seem to miss the meaning between the lines.
Criticize communist regime, atrocities committed towards the latvian people, corruption in politburo, oppression by the government handed down by secret police and so on.
Disclaimer: visited estonia, latvia and USSR during the cold war. Cheap fun to be had as we smuggled by boat levis jeans/pantyhose/other items that were in short supply in those countries (especially USSR.)
For example a box of levis jeans could guarantee you a weeks supply of vodka and parties :)
Hello gentlemen, I am Latvian and currently viewing this post and its comments on my 4G enabled potato. I find these funny and as previously said, these jokes can be adjusted for any country.
Why did the potato cross the road?
To get away from Latvian
latvians are of the same race as americans. learn to read books before attempting to understand jokes.
though, many americans are actually walking-talking racial coctails. sorry, collonist nation, u was bring potato to europe when rape indian daughters.
also, latvians are not of slavic origin. except for those, off course, whose ancestors mixed up with russians in soviet union times (or later). latvians are of baltic origin, at least, they should be, though, many have got quite a mix in their blood thanks to the wars and love-seeking soldiers and wanderers.
and yes, latvia is a poor country even now, elderly people are the ones who suffer the most, no potatoe or just one a day.
Also, is not potato. Is actually rock. All is sad.
Son runs "I have potato, I have potato!"
Family now very happy. And hungry
Son arrives "It was dream, I no have potato!"
Now family very sad and cold.
Also no potato. Still hungry
Three latvian farmers, Sveltis says "I saw chicken" I happy now I dream I eat chicken.
"You are fortunate man" say other farmers and we are happy we dream of you dreaming eating chicken.
Secret Police arrives. All chicken belong to State. Give us all your dream chickens.
Now farmers are all dead. Death is dark, one can not see chickens.
Soldier finds daughter. No rapey, "I give you potato for sexy time with daugther"
Soldier and daughter have long sexy time. Soldier gives potato.
All family happy eat potato. But no daugther because she had too much fun. Also she is dead.
Q: why latvian get mad on internet to prove he no like potato or make rape?
A: is trick! no latvian use internet! no enough hamster energies in wheel to power computer!
latvian need get wolf cabbage and goat across river. take goat first. arrested other side politburo.
Bendiks: Coochie-coochie with daughter? I have potato
Juris:Oh, potato! It is miracle
Bendiks has funny with daughter, he thinks Juris is fool. No potato, just wood piece.
Juris eats potato, taste like wood but Bendiks is fool, good potato for dead daughter.
All are happy.
4g enabled potato made me
Laugh harder than all the rest together.. I can't cope with this page I keep returnif day after day lolololol
I keep reading this page, thinking that, eventually, there's bound to be a genuinely funny joke! I've been wrong so far, but, I'm just an optimistic, old Latvian. That's probably the funniest thing of all, that I actually read all this trash!
Latvian girl is say, "I want go America one day."
Father say, "I send you America."
Daughter is thank father. Make tears of happy. Father use for salty potato.
Father think moment, say, "Daughter, I no send you America."
Potato is more salt.
Latvian wish upon star. Wish star is potato. Wish true! Potato far away.
wtf is this??? :/
You do realize that these jokes are like the holocaust jokes to sufferers of the Soviet occupation?
Why are holocaust jokes out of the question when discussing humor, but making jokes about other horrible attrocities okay?
I bet these are EXACTLY the jokes (or kind of jokes) the resilient Latvians told during the dark time of Soviet occupation. It's humor like this that helped them get through those dark times.
If you're offended, then YOU have the problem.
I think that the essence of these jokes has been twisted over time.
My contact with my wife's family, particularly the older generation, who were raised under Soviet rule, has showed me that the winner of any contest of one-upmanship is the person who has the most to complain about.
It's almost like the Westernised "You think your job is bad? Let me tell you about my job" type of conversation. This, I think, is the concept that these jokes originally parodied.
As a latvian, I gotta say - this is hilarious :)
Well, I am a Latvian and I find these hillarious. Latvians have always had a problem with their sense of humour. Especially, when asked to laugh about themselves.
Chris is an idiot!- Thats not a latvian joke, thats truth!
3 mericans iz watching football. Suddenly!, the satalite cable stops working.The first america says he is bankrupt cuz he spends all his mony on cable TV that dont even work good and shoots himself iwth NRA gun. 2nd ameracan so mad he died of a a heart attacks from being so angry about not having football to watch. The third american is happy becaus he pulls out his iphone 5 with bluetooth LTE and can watch the game on ESPN3 streaming service. But he has brain cancer from too much radio waves and diet coke.
My sisters and I - all full-blooded Latvians - laughed ourselves breathless over some of these.
Seriously fuckers, stop pretending to be Latvian.
These remind me of Radio Yerevan jokes which were quite popular in Soviet-bloc countries back in the days. But much bleaker. Is funny, too.
Once was man from Latvia
He hungry and diarrhea
Potato was bad
Daughter was sad
She rape by soldier
Just random Lithuanian reader passing by...
FUCK YOU YOU RACIST FUKERS YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT LATVIA. IT IS BEATIFULL COUNTRY & THESE JOKES IS RACIST PROPAGANDA FUCK YOU
Canadian is cold winter. Drink beer. Light fire. Enjoy friends. Life is good.
To be honest, none of these so called 'jokes' are actually funny. Personally i find it insulting as i'm Latvian myself. However it's not about that, i just don't see how fucked up american's like you can make fun of other countries. I mean, c'mon four fifths of american's have an IQ level of 0. I'd rather be POOR than resemble you lot, fucking fat pieces of shit. 'You are what you eat' they say, you can clearly guess what Americans are. Am i right?
WTF?!? Hmmm, perhaps, stupid Americans' nightmares on non-existing Latvian jokes... How much rotten burgers you've eaten to compose all this fascist stuff? Even angry Russians never fell so ignoble... :(
omg i love these, just can't stop laughing :D I'm Latvian, and only find out about this now!??!!?!? :D thank you so very much for this clever basis of Latvian jokes!!!!! :D
Anywhere ranging from smarter than you to smarter than you
A man is what a man eats. Is wish I was potato.
Amazing, some Latvians are angry because they can't take joke, cry racism and badmouth Russians at the same time. Poor, uneducated people. Sad, no potato.
ay ay ''sad no potato'' man, how about you take the finger outta your ass and sucking it while its warm? its good for you, your government guarantees.
what happens when u cross an american with a rock? a baby american, that is smarter than his parents.
no really, americans must be the dumbest nation on the planet, followed by the british pigs. ai ai captain, can me have a pint of dog urine? thanks buddy, u alright?!
Q. Why Latvian cross road?
A. Escape Latvia
Man go to sleep, wake up dead. Come heaven, say God, "Why is suffering on Earth?" God say, "Why is Latvian in heaven?"
Latvian have problems is sleepwalk. Go to sleep, wake up other places. Latvian go to doctor, say, "Doctor, having problem. Go to bed at home, wake up other places" Doctor say "What is problem?"
Q. How many Latvian is for lightbulb?
A. Two. One is lookout while other unscrews bulb.
Latvian man leaving Latvia, choice is go Russia or Estonia. Man no can decide.
Walking all day, no can decide, soon he come to fork in road. Look left. Look right. Decide not leave Latvia after all.
When he go home, wife say him, "Why no leave Latvia?"
Man reach in pocket, smile with pride, say "Is miracle! I find fork!"
So far, the only thing here funnier than the jokes are the people raging in the comments.
"Here iz joke is mak fun of Amerikans: Amerikans fat! Is funny yez"
Well, I mean, I might have laughed at a joke about Americans, had you actually made one...
If you don't think it's funny, leave. I'm willing to bet that 90% of the people here don't actually believe any of these jokes resemble the truth, that's why it's called a joke not a fact.
Also, as an American, I can confirm that I have laughed at jokes about: Latvians, Poles, Soviets, Russians, Americans, Asians, Scotts, Irish, British, Welsh, Finns, and many, many more.
If you can't laugh at yourself, how can you laugh at anyone else?
Also, to the people making fun of Americans weight in an attempt to be mean because they are butthurt about the Latvia jokes, the USA isn't even the fattest country in the world, please, why don't YOU do some research before getting angry at someone else.
Now, back to enjoying the jokes :)
Oh, and as an addendum to the above post, something I forgot to mention there, half of the humor here, for me at least, comes from the broken English. You cannot however, make a joke about 'Muricans in broken English, it doesn't work that way. If you can find a way to type in a thick Southern accent, I would suggest doing that. Just thought I'd help you all, or should I say "y'all", make fun of us better, since you seem to be incapable of doing it on your own! :3
To those who feel so much better than us.
An American meets another American and shouts at him happily:
- Hey! I know the name of the capital of Paris!
- What capital? Are you totally dumb or just had a gallon of bad beer too many?!!! Paris is a boutique downtown!
A joke is a "joke", people. There are some rules to it. There are many more subtle jokes - about the Latvians and others. There are jokes where broken grammar plays the leading role (search for that one about "signore direttore" letter).
Pronouncing/writing texts that are just clearly offensive to some others and by that feeling better - this is low. If I walk up to you and say: "You stinky idiot, you are the result of your elder brother secretly fucking your mother!" - is that a joke or an insult? And what would you consider manly and appropriate: laughing together or at least attempting to hit me on the face (preferably with your left foot)?
this would be funny, if it was written in good english. that broken language (both in post and comments) can hardly be understood. as for content of jokes (or "salt") you'd better find an african country closer to that state of poorness. oh, you can't - it's racially incorrect. then rural china, maybe ? oh, it politically unpolite...
Anonymous said: "Latvians made the first photo camera..."
No, Latvian is made first potato camera. (What is "photo"?)
If i say joke is funny, you give potato? Also very cold..
maybe Latvians should joke about September 11? How about that? Going with fun at the difficult time?
If you say joke is funny, you'll owe me all the potatoes you might find on the road after that cart crash coming in two weeks time.
Pee on yourself, will make you much warmer!
Latvian 1: Knock Knock.
Latvian 2: Who there? I kid. We burn door for warmth.
I work with Latvians along with Lithuanians. While the majority of Latvians are kind and seemingly friendly,the others' seem to love berating and sneering at the West. If it is not to your liking then you know where to go.
Are you angry because soldier rape daughter and potato have worm? If so, is sad. Also very cold.
Latvian immigrant is sit in bar with American. Says Latvian, "Yours decadent lifestyle is insult of humanity. Are you not see how this artificial luxuries is rest on the back of millions who to toil in the poverty?"
American does fart and eat much more potato chips, not to hear. Latvian not did notice American's ears are plug with headphones. Yet one more injustice is weigh down the Latvian spirit.
Such is life.
hilarious jokes :D
Here is American joke. Tom says to Dick, "Hey Dick you fellow stinking Yankee bastard, I let you sleep with my wife if you tell me name of one clever American comedian." Tom think a long time but can't think of one. So he pulls out handgun for which he has license thank to NRA lunatics and shoots Tom in head. Then Tom think, "hot damn, I is one intelligent American, not stupid like all foreigners. Now I can claim black man shot Dick in front of my eyes and I am so traumatized I must call ambulance-chasing Jew lawyer, or maybe Guido if no Jew is available, or even some slant-eyed yellow insect-man. No spics of course, I am not stupid man. Then wife of Dick will give me sympathy sex, I will marry her and get all of stupid Tom's money and have sex all night with his wife who is typical American slut woman. Then we can go on slimy talk shows and make lots of money and buy all the useless stuff we want while forgetting to have children." Unfortunately for Tom, Dick's wife Linda was spying with hidden webcam, which she pointed at murder of Dick. Now Tom will get poison from needle in arm because he was stupid enough to murder ex-friend in Texas. What a moron Tom is. Meanwhile, blondie Linda will celebrate inheriting all of Dick's money by having sex with black men with 10" of African horny pleasure. But final joke is on Linda because black man rapes her and slits her throat. Meanwhile, a Latvian, whose name probably ends in letter S, reads about this and tells his faithful wife while they are in bed together after having sex so they can have more than the five children they already have how happy he is he did not accept job from big American company and move to Atlanta. "Yes my Latvian man, I love all six of your beautiful toes but most of all your wonderful Latvian brain which realizes that Chris Connolly, whoever he is, understands nothing about Latvia because he is so busy thinking up stupid juvenile jokes for stupid
American audiences who even think Jon Stewart is a good comedian. The end. P.S. Janis says to another Janis, "Hey Janis, did you hear the one about the Jew?". Other Janis says to him, "what is a Jew?" HAHAHAHA so funny. Latvia not yet corrupted and sent into cultural sewer by money-grubbing scum.
P.S. follow up to American Joke. Does not make sense, no? Because American comedian who wrote went to stupid American school where they never teach logic. This explains much about their leaders, no? Also American writer smoke lots of weed and forgets who is murderer and who is murdered. Hey man, relax, smile and have a nice day.
OK I am hot tonight as American say, so here is biggest joke in history and it is American joke! President Obama! HAHAHAHAHAHA I laugh so hard I roll on floor while watching porn video because I only care about pleasuring myself because stuck-up girlfriend is taking yoga with other stuck-up bitches instead of staying home at night and pleasuring his lonely husband, who will soon abandon her for mail-order bride from Russia. Good night.
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