Most long-time readers will know about my ongoing photo essays Females Sighted Bringing Their Own Full-Size Pillows On Planes, By Race and People Whose Asses Are Wider Than Their Shopping Carts, but few of you know that I have other projects that remain in their infancy due to a paucity of subject matter. Two of these are Douchbags Painting in Parks and Douchbags Who Bring Parrots to Swap Meets and Other Public Places. Given that I've never compiled enough pictures to bring either of these projects to light, you can imagine how psyched I was when I snapped the shots above and below (click through for larger images) in Battery Park City the other day. It's like a perfect storm of baggery! If you sight your own Douchbag Park Painter or Parrot Bringer, and you can safely commit their image to film, please send it my way for full marks and a tiny, tiny amount of web cred. (PS: In honor of the immortal Boers and Bernstein radio show in Chicago where listeners call in to report sightings of "Shirtless Driving," I may have to create a special subset for Shirtless Public Painters! SUN'S OUT! GUNS OUT!)
The Long Beach, NY Unsound Surf Pro/Am contest is coming up September 8th. I totally want to enter it, but my wife's cocky ex and his bunch of bully friends already beat me up once this summer and I don't know if I'm good enough to surf against those guys. If only I could meet a strangely charismatic hermit with a shady past and a bunch of old longboards in his backyard...
I'm sorry, but haven't we gone a little too far with these things? I was only buying an open water swim buoy. How secure do those transactions really need to be? How many criminal masterminds have set up bots to buy innumerable swim buoys in hopes of crashing the market? The really hard part of this was that "LUMBRAND rentiole" sounds like a real word. So not only was I trying to figure out what the thing said and whether it needed to be in CAPS or not, and trying to accomplish everything before my session timed out, I was also wracked by misgivings about the fact that the humanity verification software had a superior vocabulary to mine. I got the yellow buoy, just so you know--better visibility.
Marketing is truly the great modern art form. And given the cost, availability and quality of modern media making equipment, it's finally in the hands of the people. I really think this little project, "Blackstar Warrior," is probably the 2010 equivalent of scrawling graffiti across the length and breadth of a 7 train. Plus it contains the immortal line, "Space ain't black enough to hide from him!" I have a good feeling about this.