170 - Parenting quiz!

The image above is from my photo essay Winter Beach. Check it out!

1. How long would you expect it to take to follow these instructions: "put on your shoes so we can go to the beach."
A. 90 seconds
B. 9 minutes
C. 90 minutes
D. This time span best measured in half lives


2. Which of the following actions are part of the obeying the directions above?
A. Putting swim goggles on the dog
B. Getting locked in the laundry closet
C. Sitting on the couch with your penis all over the place
D. Begging for a drink, then sobbing when the drink proffered turns out to be water

ANSWER: Ha! It's actually a trick question. The directive ""put on your shoes so we can go to the beach" is invalid and CANNOT be followed. If you got it right, congrats, you're a parent. You already have your prize(s).

169 - Keep it, keep it on, til the breaka breaka dawn

Most of you don't know that I'm one of the world's leading half-assed MCs. Yep. I am. Here are some more hot trax on e-wax.

168 - Blazing new joint from Colis Rekidz

Check the rhyme, y'all. I recorded my part over the phone.

167- Someone acted out my jokes!

Crazy madness! This dude acted out a series of jokes I wrote with my friend Ky. I think its safe to say this is the greatest thing EVER!

166 - When life hands you lemons, strap on a helmet

Brake cable popped on the way to work today leaving me with very little stopping power. I had a helmet in the car so I wore it driving 50 mph to the mechanic.

165 - Classic dudes

I am so relieved they haven't discontinued this model of dude. An absolute classic.

164 - You can be a doctor of PIES?!

Why didn't anyone tell me? I have years of fieldwork in this discipline!

#163 - Food:Porn as...

The D slots in our vending machine are to food what Juggs Magazine is to relationships

#162 - My story about the largest ongoing construction project in the US

Nearly 200 feet below the hallowed clock in Grand Central Terminal, below the Oyster Bar, the periwinkle blue ceiling depicting the constellations and the millions of bustling feet, is a world few people imagine. This is the realm of the Sandhogs, a storied union more than 100 years old whose members tunnel, blast and burrow the holes in the ground into which surface-dwelling New Yorkers descend daily on their travels.

Theirs is a realm of loud noises and feeble lights. A steamy place where knee-high Wellington boots are de rigueur and a camera flash can send workers scurrying to avoid a wayward detonation. These men and women slosh from place to place, toting coils of hosing or piloting forklifts, through an ankle-deep, silvery slurry of drilling material and runoff. It’s a foreboding, gritty world, but it is not without its rewarding moments. One of those is set to occur on July 16...

For the rest, click on the link below.

With tunneling nearly complete, what’s next for the East Side Access project? - Baldwin - LIHerald.com - Nassau County's source for local news, breaking news, sports, entertainment & shopping