#49 - Things I Love and Hate Around My Neighborhood #1: The World's Scariest Playground

Greetings. Welcome to the world's scariest playground. (Click on the images to see them in their full luster.) We trust you will find plenty to occupy you in this haunting, staggeringly uninviting wonderland! You can get deep splinters just by gazing upon the massive main structure's weathered, graying facade. Or, if you prefer, you can achieve a nice sear on your tender young backside by attempting to use the slide. Do you think you can get to the bottom before your skin cleaves to its pockmarked metal surface?

You'll find that our main play structure is equipped with rusty chain link on one side, but no protection on the other side. This allows our young guests to develop their decision making abilities. Would you rather fall and break your arm, or get tetanus? It's all up to you!

If you tire of puncturing your skin, burning yourself, and falling down, there is also a dirtbox under the main structure. It's measurably more dificult to have fun with than a sandbox, but we flatter ourselves that it improves imagination and toughness. Also, if venture a few yards afield, you will find a pair of rusted out axles from a Honda civic. These are fun for either cutting yourself or just staring at. And, when you're done with that, you're invitied to invent a game involving our gallows! A rousing round of "Deep South" anyone?

In the end, however you choose to spend your time here at the World's Scariest Playground, we hope you'll make it snappy! We believe an active child is a happy child! Plus, about four minutes after you enter the playground, a mentally deficient, inbred farm boy who wears overalls and a dried pig head as a mask is going to show up to gut you with a hatchet.


Balsac T. Bagher said...

Isn't that the playground from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? That shit looks like Leatherface's dad built it.

I heard they wanted to install a SeeSaw, but couldn't afford the concrete and velcro.


Mike "The Ball" Ball said...

Glorious post. You are a wordsmith beyond compare. Kudos! I find the part about the slide to be particularly hilarious! Feel free to come by the basement of my mother's house any time!