#31 (Continued) - Very, Very Low-Level Supervillains in the News!

Thank you John Walsh for bringing this incidence of low level supervillaindom in the news to my attention. The Mild Five! will get right on the case!

According to Inland Southern California's Press Enterprise, three Lake Elsinore men kidnapped a woman, beat and handcuffed her, drove her across the border to Mexico and left her there. The woman, it turned out, was the girlfriend of the ringleader and the kidnapping occurred because, as Lake Elsinore detective Joe Greco explained, "She's a pain to the boyfriend."

Admittedly, this story sounds strange, but only on a human level, until you read that one of the kidnappers was a man named Robert "No Nose" Gardner!

Whoa! Wait. WHAT!?!

“No Nose” Gardner? That’s a very very low-level supervillain if I’ve ever heard of one. Having a huge, super sensitive nose, of course, would be a great power. But simply not having a nose? Well, that's a very, very low-level superpower to be sure.

I think the Mild Five! may have found our nemesis! The Joker to our Batman! One thing though: I think “No Nose” is a bad nickname. By all nicknaming conventions, shouldn’t a guy with no nose be called “Big Nose” or “The Shnozz?” Anyway Mr. Garner, just a bit of advice from a guy who’s been in the VVLLSP game for a while.

The victim in the No Nose case “solved” her own kidnapping by… DA DA DA DAAAAA!!!!… taking a $300 cab ride from Mexico to her boyfriend’s house and then demanding he pay for it. He later claimed, in a TV interview, that they were just "kidding around" and "having adult fun." As a very, very, low-level crime fighter, I find that very, very hard to believe.

Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs who once claimed he avoided a knife wielding attacker in Florida by “willing himself invisible.”

Being Invisible = Superpower

Merely Believing You Can Turn Invisible = VVLLSP

If you spot a case for the Mild Five! please email me at [email protected].

If you would like to join the Mild Five! please leave a comment here describing your low-level power and how you intend to use it or email the same information to [email protected].