Since I happened upon this picture of a man who tattooed “I Slept With Shaq” on his forehead in order to win Laker tickets from a radio station, I’ve been wondering what other offers might entice him to make permanent changes to his body. Here’s a short list of alterations I imagine he might sign on for along with their attendant rewards.
Bodily Alteration: Hands replaced by salad tongs
Reward: Parking ticket amnesty
Bodily Alteration: Tray of fake plastic window sushi permanently affixed to each buttock
Reward: Friend asks out the girl he likes on his behalf
Bodily Alteration: Eyebrows shaved off daily and replaced by strips of cheesewiz
Reward: Released from contract with cell phone company
Bodily Alteration: Phrase “I love” tattooed on right eye, “road head” on left eye
Reward: 1000 free downloads from iTunes
Bodily Alteration: Slices off own nipples with plastic child’s safety scissors
Reward: Free use of the postal service for a year
Bodily Alteration: Eats his own lips off his own face
Reward: Unlimited text messaging and his nighttime minutes start at 4:30
Bodily Alteration: Never uses the letter “E” again on pain of death
Reward: Automatically upgraded to business class on airline of choice (space permitting)
Bodily Alteration: Legally changes name to “Go Pittsburgh Pirates Go!”
Reward: Membership initiation fee at health club waived
CALL TO ACTION: If you can think up a couple changes "I Slept With Shaq Guy" might make to his body and some benefits he'd enjoy for making them, please add your thoughts in the comments section below.
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