#122 - Tips for Republican Doctors Who May Have to Touch Poor People Now

1. Move your practice to Aspen
Actually, you should already have taken this step. Try to keep up.

2. Change your mindset
Not poor. "Differently moneyed!"

3. Become a surgeon
Oddly, the insides of poor people are often cleaner than their outsides!

4. Focus on research
Why deal with a bunch of spoiled milk-smelling povs anyway when the greater good is served by creating, or better yet, just marketing, wrinkle-reducing creams and toners?

5. Hire povs to treat other povs
Just be sure you don't pay your povs so much that they stop being povs.

6. Invoke "House Rules"
Patients lie. It's only a matter of how much and how convincingly. Why, by actually meeting your patients and encountering their stinky stinkiness, you'd probably by compromising your ability to treat!

7. If cornered, throw a handful of promotional Novartis pens one way, then run the other

6. Repeat as needed: !No Hablo! !No Hablo!

7. Move to Canada
Ha! If only...