#85 - You Can't Figure Baseball. Oh Wait, Yes You Can. Provided You Are Figuring The Yankees Will Lose To The Angels.
As you might recall, last season I called for the Yankees to stop wasting pitchers and risking injury trying to beat the Angels. Honestly, why put your real players out there to try to defeat a team that is unbeatable? Just sit the whole squad, run some minor leaguers and bench players and groundskeepers out there, get everyone a couple days off and pray that you avoid the Angels in the playoffs.
Today I was listening to John Sterling call the Yank's latest fiasco of bashing their heads against the walls of Anaheim, when he said something he says a lot. "You can't figure baseball." Now, I have a love hate thing with John Sterling. He's a douche, yes, but he's my douche so I kind of have a weakness for him. However, I don't think he could be more wrong about the whole "you can't figure baseball" deal. Here's one thing you can figure: If you want to beat the Yankees, all you have to do is wear an Angel uniform. Here's another: If you want to beat the Yankees, don't spend a dime on pitching. Just get some 35-year-old career minor leaguer that no one's ever seen before and send him out to the mound. Honestly, I don't think I'm giving away team secrets when I point out that the Yanks turn into absolute flailing idiots when they face an unknown, soft-throwing pitcher. I swear Tommy Lasorda throwing batting practice would blank the Yanks. Hell, a god damn batting tee would probably two-hit them. Today, an individual by the name of Matt Palmer, a 30-year-old horticulturalist who, at the end of last season after decades in the minor leagues damn near retired to start a landscaping business, three-hit the Yanks and held them to one run at Yankee stadium on the way to an easy Angel win.
To whom do we surrender mighty Angels? I've had enough.